Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
