Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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