I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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