I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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