evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
