Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Your penis caused this!
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