Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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