She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
