Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
