Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
