sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
