so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
