and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
