This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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