i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize