I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
my god I love twenty year old dicks
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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