I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
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