Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
