it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
