So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
