I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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