a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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