I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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