I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
