He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
