Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize