i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
