If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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