were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
