Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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