You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize