Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
