Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
