ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
