bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Randomize
