I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
