I need to stop coming to work sober
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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