Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
