yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
