Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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