dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
