I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
