Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
