I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We are all done wearing pants today
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
