Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
