I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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