I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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