I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
