Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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