Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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