i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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