Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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