You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
