I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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