He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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