he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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