The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
