So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
