ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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