dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
