I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
