Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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