One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm too high and old for this...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
