For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
