I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
