My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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