I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
