help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
