I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
