you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm at about main and main street
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
