I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
