That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
