cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
